Calming Circumstance

I am constantly amazed at the differences in my current pregnancy and the experience I had with Miles. It started with the fact that this is a planned pregnancy, while Miles was a very, very big surprise. With Miles I was so scared, as I'm sure I would have been regardless of the planning, it was a brand new experience and I was not sure how I could handle it. But this baby has calmed me somehow. I did not have many traditional pregnancy symptoms with Miles, and the ones I did have were very moderate. I am no doubt pregnant these days, and this is how I expected to feel. The first chance to find out the sex of Miles we did, and immediately set to work naming out little guy. Ben and I made our decision to not find out the gender this time and we've never looked back. Just this morning we've decided we probably should get a few names in the works, we are just entering the 7th month after all. We've pretty much decided on a boys name, our second choice for Miles, which we still love and plan to use if this baby is another boy to grace our presence. And we made some headway this morning for a girls name, which we've also decided not to tell anyone until the baby is born so we can introduce him or her to the world.

With Miles I was scared, I cannot emphasize this enough. Ben and I were going through a really rough time financially with both of loosing very good jobs just prior to and a couple months after finding out we were expecting. The happiest moment of our lives was altered by the fact that we had hit rock bottom. But with enough discipline and faith in each other, we were able to save enough money that allowed me to stay at home with Miles for the first year before going back to work. With our losses I was depressed beyond reason, but with our gain I was able to keep going. It seems now that the whole pregnancy was spent in a fog, a surreal haze that I floated through. I am disappointed in my behavior and reactions to my situation, and wished that I had been stronger. After Miles's birth however, I did become stronger. This little baby put everything back together and he gave me a new focus. I was no longer sad that I did not have the career I had worked so hard to earn, I knew I had made all the right choices in my life and set forward to begin my new life with my new family.

Ben and I worked to buy a home for the three of us, I decided that I would not put my fate in the hands of another and started a company of my own, we are now happily married, and then we decided that it was a wonderful time to grow our family by one more. It must have been meant to be, as it only took us two months to concieve. The further I progress into this pregnancy, the more in charge I become of it. Miles was delivered by C-section, a result of my weakness and fright. This baby will be born VBAC if at all possible. I am writing a birthing plan, know that I will breastfeed, I read every bit of literature on labor and delivery I can find, and look forward to the moment my water breaks and my contractions begin. I am currently searching for a different birthing class than the one Ben and I went to at the hospital with Miles. It was not very informative, so I am looking for one that will prepare me adequately for the birth of my child.

Today I am 28 weeks along, just 12 more to go, and I am confident about this baby and the remaining 12 weeks. I am not scared, quite the opposite in fact. Miles helped me realize that it is not my circumstances that make me, but what I make of my circumstances. Being his mother is my greatest accomplishment, and thanks to him I am able to make sense of things and understand my purpose and place in life. Both my children are molding me, who knew we are able to affect such change even before birth? We are truly a magnificent species.

Baby baby baby

I cannot believe this pregnancy is going by so fast! Today I am 27 weeks pregnant, and I feel wonderful!

So it's been awhile since my last blog. I've never been very consistant with my thoughts, never keeping track. Miles just turned two yesterday! His party was so fun, he had a blast. There were several kids for him to play with, lots of food to feast upon and tons of toys!

Where has the time gone? My baby is two years old already, it amazes me. I cannot however remember a time without him. He has such a personality! Oh gosh is he a stubborn kid. He is very opinionated and independent. Already has a great sense of humor. He is quite intelligent as well, he knows some of his colors, his favorite of which is 'lellow'. He also knows some numbers, but it's the order of things that trick him. I'll overhear him counting to himself, he'll say 'seven, eight, nine'...'three, four, five'. And Miles is a Daddy's boy, through and through! It is so sweet to see how much he adores Ben. Ben deserves that too, he is a wonderful father.

The new baby is also doing quite well, he/she is quite the mover! This pregnancy is going so well right now, all the morning sickness in the beginning was worth what is happening now. We've been going over a few names, but still haven't decided. I think we may have a boys name, but we have nothing if it's a girl. But still, we have 3 more months to work out that part! I am so in love with this baby! This experience is extremely different from my pregnancy with Miles, and I couldn't be happier.

We are enjoying one of our very few days off. Just lounging around, watching a movie, Miles is breaking in his new toys, and I'm finally back to the good ole blog. I've missed this!